November 17, 2022 - The Not-Really Main Locations Part 1 - Islands

Hi!

So this world is bigger than a rectangular potato - a universe that small isn’t as good for stories. There are three islands near our potato (Okay, does anyone have a suggestion of what I can name the main potato? Calling it the “rectangular potato” is gonna get old real quick…) :

First up, the Island of the Light. A satisfyingly perfect circle, this island features golden sand and practically photo-shopped palm trees. Mainlanders come here to talk to their predecessor(s), the person/people who had their Theme before them. They can come as much as they want. Dark wooden merchant shacks are lined up in perfect rows, each with a small silver fingerprint reader. The readers identify who people are and a holographic screen appears in front of them, listing all of their predecessors. Clicking on one basically connects them to the predecessors’ ghost and allows you to have a conversation (max 30 mins) with them. There is a little dog named Sir Borkington the Third™ who greets everyone on the island, can kinda read people’s minds but can’t talk to them so is slightly useless, but is just generally adorable so we keep him around (I believe he has a monocle too? Back me up on this, Queen Tomato.). In relation to the main potato, it’s southwest but close - easily accessible by boat. Apets are not allowed on the Island of the Light. 

Secondly, the Island of the Dark. This island is supposedly home to the Queen of Dark Souls (What am I going to say, class? *To be explained later.* Very good, gold stars for everyone.). This island is to the far northwest of the main potato and shows up on maps as an incomprehensible and inconsistent blob. No one  comes here, (Mhmm, totally deserted, not a soul, never in a bajillion years- what’s that? I’m being too obvious? Oh, shush. I totally mean it. Completely deserted…) so no one has put in the effort to map it or pay much attention (u got meh lookin’ for attenSHUUUUUUUUUUN) to it at all.

And lastly, Island of the Goddess. This is where Apets (Mainlanders have no use for this place) go to wish to the Goddess (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I have a list of things I have yet to explain…). Apets can wish to the Goddess (Apets really got the short end of the stick in this whole situation, a free wish is the least they can get) for any material thing (They can’t wish for eternal happiness, but they can wish for =10,000,000, yes the monetary system is = not $, shush, it will be revealed.) but they can only wish once in their lifetime. It’s directly north of main potato (Maybe I should just call it that - Main Potato. Yeah, no, definitely not. Please, someone’s gotta help me out here.), and it’s not hideous-looking. I mean, basic sand/dirt combo, big dark oak trees, and a large wishing well just beyond a dense patch of rose bushes. 

To wish to the Goddess, an Apet must pick a rose and let a thorn prick their ring finger. If they drip the blood into the wishing well, the water will flash black for a moment, then all movement in the fountain will stop, water suspended midair like a glass painting (A mosaic, perhaps? See what I did there? Very clever…). A feathery voice will echo around them, the kind of voice that is deceptively soothing and distracts you from all the imperfections and injustices in the world, promising you whatever you desire. The kind of voice that lures you deeper and deeper into a carefully crafted utopia, hiding the cracks right before you see them. The kind of voice that feels like maroon velvet and lavender silk. The kind of voice that-

Woah, sorry. I love describing voices, even though my descriptions are usually too dramatic and perfect for actual human voices. In this case, though, I’m in luck. This voice isn’t human. Anyways, slightly off topic, but the Voice of the Goddess calls out to you asking you what you wish for. You tell her, you’re granted endless money or whatever, bippity boppity everything is well in the world.

So recap: the Island of the Light has a dog (wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio  hear about THIS, *sidenote, I wanna make a fake newspaper post but I NEED A NAME FOR THE GODDAMN POTATO I CAN’T CALL IT THE DAILY POTATO LMAO* ), the Island of the Dark is creepy, and the Island of the Goddess is a little creepy but generally perfectly amazing.

*anecdote about the Daily Punctilio remark from A Series of Unfortunate Events: Okay so I was sick this week and sleeping in really late. All of my friends (as in the three people who follow this blog minus my parents) were still at school. My best friend had been emailing me updates and stuff throughout the day. So I wake up around noon and check my phone to see what time it is and I see a zillion notifications (99% of them are from YouTube because I’m subscribed to like every kpop channel in existence, plus the music shows and stuff) and one new email. I check that first because I must know the ✨tea✨ *insert Illusion - Aespa slurps here* and I see an obnoxiously started email in our email chain that begins with, and I quote, 

“OH MY GOSHHHHHHHH

I"VE BEEN TOUCHED BY ROYALTY

THIS WILL BE A GLORIOUS DAY”

(...) And so obviously I’m intrigued, so I read the rest of the email. And to sum it up, my friend is absolutely obsessed with corgis (yes, those little dogs that look like if an innocent dog rolled around in a bowl of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and then said dog was fluff-ified), and she saw a corgi on the street, and her mom asked the owner if they could pet the dog, and my friend got to pet a dog.

“IT WAS SO PRECIOUS 

I EVEN SKIPPED THE REST OF THE WAY I WAS SO HAPPY

HAPPINESS”

No, that’s literally what it was about. I woke up at noon after a full night of coughing and sneezing up my will to live to an aggressive email about how my friend pet a dog.*